Many partners experience a love-hate relationship and wonder what can improve it. Well, relationships are complicated, and everyone expresses emotions in different ways. You and your partner may be full of love and excitement at one point and become rivals at other times. Initially, you might not think much about this understanding and remain okay with the pattern. However, as the relationship grows and feelings of love and hate start becoming complicated, you might begin to worry about getting overwhelmed by the negative feelings. You might also wonder if it was the right decision to get into the relationship. This post shares with you the details of a love-hate relationship, why it happens, and tips to manage it.
What Is A Love-Hate Relationship?
A love-hate relationship is one where both the partners have strong feelings for each other but are not consistent in expressing them. So they behave lovingly on some occasions and act like enemies on others. Couples in a love-hate relationship tend to speak harsh words that they do not mean. On some occasions, they cannot stand each other and might want to end the relationship but do not end it. Besides the apparent inconsistency in their emotions, certain other signs suggest yours is a love-hate relationship.
Signs Of A Love-Hate Relationship
If you and your partner are see-sawing through extreme emotions, look out for these other behaviors or signs that suggest the nature of the relationship.
1. Sometimes you feel they are a blessing in your life
Extreme emotions define love-hate relationships. At times, you feel like the luckiest person in the whole world because of certain appealing qualities in them. You may love that your partner is dynamic, focused in life, always helpful, and makes you a priority. No matter how much you try, you find certain qualities in your partner irresistible.
2. Sometimes you just can’t stand them
There are a few traits that are an absolute turn off. It could be their ego, short temper, or streaks of laziness. These habits or traits may not be deal-breakers but tend to cause friction now and then. At times like these, you will feel that you made a mistake by committing to your partner.
3. You makeup-you break up again and again
In a love-hate relationship, you love and hate each other with passion. When you both argue, it would be intense and can lead to name-calling and threats of breaking up. During such heated moments, you may find each other highly repulsive. Even as you are thinking about calling it quits, you may have a change of heart and makeup, shower each other with love and forget that you were at each other’s throats just a while ago. But this love is also short-lived, as the cycle of breaking up and making up goes on.
4. You take the relationship as a challenge
Initially, you may have been attracted to the positives in your partner (and still do). But when the negatives caught up, you were taken aback and wanted to end the relationship. However, the positives are too good to let go, or you have invested too much time and effort to walk away without trying one more time. So, you start maintaining the relationship as a prized possession, with the motive of winning them over. You may try to make them stay committed to you permanently or give in to your needs and desires.
5. You have no idea where the relationship is heading
You see other couples going ahead in the relationship, supporting and understanding each other, but you are stuck in the vicious cycle of loving and hating. With all the mixed emotions and roller coaster rides, you just cannot figure out what the future of the relationship is. Maybe you got comfortable in the relationship or are afraid of being single, and continue being with them.
6. No healthy emotional connection
While you adore certain traits in your partner, you do not love them enough to accept their flaws. This prevents both of you from having an emotional connection, which is essential for the longevity of the relationship. You could be chasing perfection and trying to fit your partner into your mental image of the perfect guy or girl. Whenever they do something amazing, your heart fills with love for them. And the moment they go against your will, you start hating them. Your feelings for them become conditional and depend on how they make you feel.
7. You both have emotional baggage
Lack of an emotional connection could lead to constant fights and conflicts. At one point, you would no longer discuss the issues and may start to sweep them under the rug. Say, you are angry at your spouse for not doing the dishes. Instead of addressing that single issue, you use that to bring out all the previously unresolved issues. Such built-up anger will lead to hatred and resentment, which is like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at the slightest disturbance. And when it does, the lack of an appropriate emotional connection will make matters worse.
8. The things you dislike in your partner keep bothering you
As mentioned earlier, there may be some things about your partner that you cannot stand. So, even if you feel incredibly drawn towards them, the aspects that you dislike in them nag you. This makes it difficult for you to love them or hate them completely. You may have tried to talk to your partner about the things that are bothering you, but there is no change, and eventually, you come to a conclusion that they will never change. This will leave you frustrated as you cannot decide whether to stay for the good things or leave for the bad things.
9. You talk less to each other and more about each other
When you are not sure about your partner, and talking to them is taking you nowhere, you try to calm down the voices in your head by taking the relationship issues to your friends and family. You may feel that they see things differently, or they might know how to fix your relationship. You will have an impulsive need to share your feelings with your friends for support and validation. You know it might hurt or anger your partner, but you cannot help as the doubts inside your head do not let you stay still.
10. You try to play safe
A healthy relationship is one where you can be yourself, love without boundaries, and accept each other without any reservations. But in a love-hate relationship, you are sometimes in and sometimes out. Such half-hearted emotions will make you protective of yourself. Fearing rejection and hurt, you try to play safe. You start building scenarios in your head as to how you can come out clean from the relationship. You try to focus more on the qualities which you hate and push your partner aside. If you could relate to most of the behaviors mentioned above, then you could be in a love-hate relationship. And you may wonder how you and your partner landed yourselves in this situation.?
Why Do Couples Have Love-Hate Relationship?
You and your partner did not get into this vortex of love and hate overnight. This situation is a result of many small things, and here are some of them. When you identify the cause of all those intense but wavering emotions, you can work on fixing them before the relationship moves towards a breakup. Next, we give you a few tips on how to do that.
Ways To Deal With A Love-Hate Relationship
Unless you are in an abusive or toxic relationship, a love-hate relationship could just be a phase. With the right effort, you can steer it on to the path of happiness. So the next time you are on the verge of lashing out at your partner, stop and think for a moment. If you are not able to control your anger, then do not react. Take your time and rethink the scenario with a calm head. Once the negative thoughts are flushed out, you will be able to see each other’s positives that make the relationship stable to achieve happiness,become more confident about yourself and the relationship, and start trusting your partner. However, this may not be true if one of the partners has a narcissistic behavior or is a threat to you and your kids. There will still be fights and difficult times. Spend as much time together as possible, go on dates, do things that both of you can enjoy. This will help build the friendship between you two. Also, when you find that you’re facing an impasse, discuss like mature adults instead of brushing it off. You will be surprised to see how easily an issue could be solved.
